55 Minutes of Miracle…The Journey To Find God and My Husband

It’s been a very long time since I’ve posted. Life, somehow, always seems to prioritize where our time is spent and 2011 has brought significant changes that have definitely reprioritized everything about our families life. On Feb 18 of this year my husband, Mike, a young and active 60 year old man, was getting dressed to [...]

(Almost) An Ode To Spring

Winter monotony continues.  A seemingly endless chain of days, one the same as the others, each one increasingly bleak.  Too cold to spend any time outdoors.  (Yes, I know it’s a mild winter but if I still need a coat of any type, it’s cold)  Indoors, the housework extends itself into the same bleak monotony with [...]

Another One Leaves The Nest…

Yesterday was momentous.  We drove to Harrisburg to say goodbye to our baby baby.  Our first grandson is old enough to have gone off and joined the Marine Corps and the day he has been planning for a year and a half finally arrived yesterday.  We piled our daughter and his brother into the car [...]

Farewell to 2011

December 29, 2011…and this year is (mercifully) drawing to an end.  Maybe I should have titled this entry Good riddance 2011!   I look forward to 2012 and hope it is far less eventful than this year, thank you very much!  We seem to be cruising out of this year almost on a cloud.  Things on the home [...]

For the New Year….Commitments To Myself

Christmas 2011 is past now…it comes and goes so quickly.  So much anticipation, so much preparation and in the blink of an eye it’s gone.  We had a very quiet day.  Very.  It was relaxing.  It gave me time to reflect as we approach the one year mark when my life changed markedly.  Phew.  It [...]

My Christmas Wish…

It’s been a week.  Hopefully the petty annoyances of the week are behind us.   The john had no need of an auger  <ggg> after all.  I’ve not yet gotten a new plunger, but will be right after the holiday.   Remember that I worked in IT for a  lot of years?  While not a programmer, I [...]

7 Days Til Christmas….

So maybe I am finally getting a little Christmas cheer?  I’m contemplating the tree and the potential to raise it up and decorate it today.  This is a job I view as detestable.  Almost as detestable as turd chasing.  I like it well enough when it’s done.  I want it up for a very short [...]

Realities and Perspective

So here’s the question of the day.  It’s a practical one.  How does one make a plumber’s helper actually WORK?  I’m thinking our plunger must simply be a piece of junk.  The (pinky red) rubber is getting kind of cracked where it turns itself inside out and the surface of it seems too large for the [...]

Just Weird

Yesterday was a weird day…just weird.  I truly felt like my name was Alice and I had fallen down the rabbit hole.  I kept expecting a rabbit or a cat or the Queen of Hearts to show up (or maybe just Gracie Slick!).  I’m going to re-roll the tape here…maybe writing about it will help [...]

Well Intended Political Rhetoric

Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords staff conducted a webinar on TBI today.  Apparently people who had written to the Congresswoman after her injury and expressed brain injury interest were invited to attend (among constituents and whoever else..).  The event was held at the Southern Arizona VA where the Veterans Administration has one of their Polytrauma Network sites.  The Brain Association of Southern Arizona [...]

Status Quo

And so the journey continues…it’s been a couple days since I stopped those two meds Mike was taking.  It’s a daily vigil now…will there be a serious cardiac reaction or won’t there?  My sister-in-law thinks Mike got a do-over on the heart and now we simply need to work with the neuro complications.  I dunno.  I do [...]

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions….

My current Christmas wish is to wake up one morning, transformed with some new knowledge and abilities…a cross between a cardiologist and a neuropsychiatrist.  I suspect if I were, though, I would have to run screaming from those realities because in general I lack detachment and objectivity.  The reality would be far too much for me [...]

Giving Thanks

We’re a few days post Thanksgiving and this year was special indeed.  Instead of the usual looking toward Christmas, pining over kitchen “emergencies” with the meal, we were just truly grateful to have been given yet another year with Mike.   It’s also the last time Cam might be able to have Thanksgiving with us for [...]

Congresswoman Gabrielle Gifford…”Gabby”

Although the events preceding Feb 18 this year are pretty much a blur, superseded by the horror in our lives, I do remember the shooting in Arizona.  I remember wondering what the world was coming to…wondering how we had become a world of people, however damaged any individual might be, that any number of us valued [...]

Introspection

Truly, it is November and I think the balmy weather is on the run though I hear it’s going to revisit us this weekend.  For now, it’s cold and the leaves are blowing around because they have given up trying to hold  on to the trees.  My energy is kind of like those leaves right about now.  I’m [...]

All Hallow’s Eve….

Happy Halloween!  We had a ton of ghosts, goblins, pirates,princesses and puppies this year and the kids (for a change) were primarily little kids.  No candy panhandling big kids this year, just tons of cute little ones.  How about at your house?  Mike was looking forward to seeing all the kids so we were outside [...]

Deja Vu, the VA, etc.

 Talk about Deja Vu…!  Tuesday I got a call that my youngest brother had called an ambulance to take him to the hospital as he couldn’t breathe.  Turns out he has multiple pulmonary emboli which are causing the right side of his heart to strain and have periods of hypoxia…and a big clot in his leg [...]

Hawk Mountain Adventures

Well, to be able to check out the new 12mm Pen lens AND the new E-P3 in action, I’m not above actually hiking up a mountainside.  Which is what I did today.  Now, of course, that was only one justification for doing this.  Mike purchased some whizbang binoculars before he got sick and this would give him a [...]

Things That Make You Go HMMMM….

Photography.  High on my list of the things that make me go hmmmm.  I’ve become convinced I really should just resurrect my little Brownie Starflash (c 1960 and in pristine condition w. box, booklet and unflashed bulbs.  One roll of undeveloped film…do you suppose I could buy a roll of film for it?) since it is probably [...]

Orders Of The Day

It’s Monday morning and as I face the new week I reflect on the old and wonder how to improve on it in the new week.  Yeah, I know.  It’s a weirdness I have, but there it is.  I expect I’m just never satisfied right?  I put on some music to think by…and not interested [...]

A New Fave

Ricecookers.  How the heck did I live without one all these years?  I bought one…back not long before Mike got sick.  And then in a fit of buyer’s remorse instigated by the scorn of my kiddies, especially Chef Mikey, I stashed it in a cupboard and forgot about it.  Last night I needed rice…for an [...]

Saturday’s Child Must Work For A Living

But a child that’s born on the Sabbath day is fair and wise and good and gay.  October 15, 1950 was a Sunday…and it’s the day Mike was born.  And oddly enough, all these characteristics of Sunday’s child are those that typify my husband.   Today’s his 61st Birthday.  The birthday that almost wasn’t.  I still [...]

Nueropsychology for (k)Nuckleheads

Where I would be the head knucklehead.  I keep thinking there must be some science to this whole brain injury recovery that is somehow escaping me.  While I know that every situation, every brain, every injury, every patient, and ultimately,  therefore, every recovery, is different, the lack of information I have gotten on what the extent [...]

Project Healing Waters

Project Healing Waters is a project whose mission is :  “to assist in the physical and emotional rehabilitation of disabled active duty military personnel and veterans through fly fishing and fly tying education and outings.”   Locally, the LVMAC (Lehigh Valley Military Affairs Council) and the Hokendauqua Chapter of Trout Unlimited joined forces to present a day of [...]

October Skies

Did you ever notice that the early morning sky can have the tiniest bit of pink shading?  It’s October…and October has the bluest skies ever…so in the early morning light, the softness of the blue approaches the sky blue in my box of Crayolas…but not as full or rich yet because the sun is just [...]

Happiness is healing…

On the way to the doc’s office today (yes, there is mild, very mild, COPD.  No meds for it at this time.  Just watch it.  Since it didn’t appear before the cardiac arrest and all the pneumonia/vent/mrsa/respiratory failures, it is probably due to that. )  I asked Mike my usual question. “Honey, have I told [...]

Turning Corners

I have to wonder if we’ve turned another corner in recovery.  Memory is still not really better.  However, yesterday I noticed pieces of old personality returned…or were returning.  Not the best pieces either!  Enroute to speech therapy and his visit with the neuropsychologist, Mike argued with me endlessly about how it was most certainly not Wednesday.  And [...]

Curiouser and Curiouser

Truly, some days I feel like Alice spiralling round and round down the rabbit hole into a world of the wholly unexplainable. I’ve been reading those hospital records again.  Truly. Based on results, my adorable husband should be (a) dead then (b) vegetative then (c) dead again and then (d) dead again and (e) probably [...]

29…And Counting

This morning I pointed out to Mike that his birthday is only a few weeks away.  I asked him how old he would be.  He responded….”29″.  I laughed and said “uuuuhhh…you wish!  Since I am almost three full years younger than you, that would make me 25 now.  Do I look 25?”  Forget diplomacy.  He [...]

Family, Comfort, Celebrations…Together

Fall.  It’s time for nesting…settling in, getting ready for winter and snuggling.  Today seems to be the day to launch the Autumnal nesting at my house. Mike went to the church 90th anniversary luncheon with Mel.  I seized the opportunity to stay at home and get some stuff done.  First I watched two tivo’d episodes [...]

Memories

These have been on my mind a lot lately.  Both Mike’s and my memories.  And just memory itself. There’s the memories of Mike’s arrest.  I think those are some kind of post traumatic thing…they make me cry a lot and grieve.  But in reality there is not a lot of time for that in my [...]

Progress!

It’s a day.  Neither a good day nor a bad day.  A busy day…but still just a day.  We’ve been up for hours because today is the day the super duper high efficiency heat pump/air con is being installed.  What a project it is too.  Mercifully the temperatures are cool today.  This afternoon brings a [...]

Mike: Moving Forward…most days

How could I ever have been prepared for the reality of living with brain injury?  I’m a girl who doesn’t do grey areas in life.  Or anything.  It’s black or it’s white.  It’s literal.  It’s unequivocal.  Brain injury…nobody knows about it or what the outcome will be.  It could be this or it could be [...]

For Donna…

It has been said that friends can go long periods of time without speaking and never question the friendship. These friends pick up like they just spoke yesterday, regardless of how long it has been or how far away they live from each other. They don’t hold grudges; they understand that life is busy…and you [...]

Mike’s Status and the VA Stuff….

It’s been a busy summer and I can barely believe it is over…and we are almost 7 months post cardiac arrest.   All in all I would say we are leading a charmed life. Mike’s cardiologist says his heart is in pretty darned good shape all things considered.  Ejection fraction is normal.   Damage from the attack [...]

Today I Have Brains On The Brain

I swear, I am so consumed with brain injury my own brain feels like scrambled eggs.  I have had to simplify it for myself.  I can’t fathom all this talk of neurons, neuro-transmitters and the rest of that mad scientist stuff.  I’m a simple girl.  I need things simple.  To that end, after talking to Mike [...]

Mike Day 81 Moving Forward: Out Of The Fog

It’s  been a very long time since I last posted.  I seemed to have lost my voice.  My mind.   My spirit.  It was everything I could do to pick my head up off the pillow in the morning…especially since it had probably been picked up off the pillow no less than 8 times during the [...]

Mike Day 45 Moving Forward: Recreational Therapy

All of these therapies Mike receives are great.  As far as they go.  To him, I am sure, they feel like work.  I also find them to be a bit tedious.  I’ve been looking into adjunct therapies…some speech therapy workbooks, different from the ones his therapist uses. Hyperbaric Oxygenation Therapy which I am certain I can’t afford [...]

July 3 Mike Moving Forward: “One Of The Best Nights”

Really, Mike is so easy to please…he always was, but now is even easier.  Such simple things have always pleased him. During the day Mike slept blissfully till about noon.  After the wandering of the night before and in the absence of scheduled appointments, this was what I expected and what usually gets him back [...]

Mike Day 36 Moving Forward: Midsummer Night’s Dream

It’s been one of those periods of those days.  Days…and mostly nights…where I can’t quite explain what the heck I’m seeing and experiencing.  They’re like bad dreams.  Unexplainable.  Surreal.   Not that there has been anything big going on, or bad, it’s just a strange period.  Mike’s been making progress cognitively.  Some days he has such [...]

Mike Day 27 Moving Forward: Catchup Epistle

Well, I haven’t written for several days…and during brain injury recovery there don’t seem to be many static periods.  So there’s lots to ruminate on.  This will be long.  I should probably break it into multiple posts, but who has time.  Grab a cuppa joe if you’re reading and inclined to see it through to the end.  [...]

Father’s Day

My daughter Lara said it best about Father’s day this year.  On Facebook she wrote: ” My family and I actually received the BEST Father’s Day gift ever, the chance to still have my father in all of our lives! A special Happy Father’s Day goes out to the GREATEST father in the world…MINE! Love you [...]

Mike Day 22 Moving Forward: Out Of The Mouth Of…Mike

You never know what might come out of Mike’s mouth…you expect confusion, made up words, incomplete sentences, all courtesy his acquired brain injury.  When you get snippets of his old personality, his old sense of humor, it’s truly a treat that makes me laugh and laugh.  And laughing is good.  So very good. The other [...]

Nostalgia

Do you remember playing with paper dolls when you were a little girl?  I do.  It was one of my favorite pastimes. I’d sit for hours and hours with new books of paper dolls which my  Nana would get for me when we went into Stroudsburg.  My favorite was Betsy McCall.  Speaking of Betsy…does McCall’s magazine [...]

Mike Day 20 Moving Forward: EUREKA!

Mike woke up, hopped out of bed, headed to the bathroom.  He came out looking for what I inferred to be the towel and  wash cloth as he mimed washing he face.  He informed me he was planning to wash and brush his teeth.  I gave it to him…he washed his face dry.  There was no convincing [...]

Mike Day 20 Moving Forward: Medical Updates

Yesterday I met with the various therapies working with Mike.  PT tells me he is pretty high functioning actually, in the physical department.  And they tested his balance and he passed the balance test with flying colors…which surprised them because in the gym he is oblivious to what is around him which makes it throw off [...]

Mike Day 19 Moving Forward: Are You Kidding Me?

Who would have known that the guy I’m married to for 31 years now, who cannot recall our marriage, who often doesn’t recall momentous events in our joint lives or his own life, who cannot remember his sister who died 30 years ago, who cannot remember five minutes after lunch that he had lunch and had [...]

Mike Day 18 Forward: Our Wedding Anniversary…how sweet it is

First, Happy Anniversary to us.  It’s 31 years today since we were married.  I’m interested to see if Mike retained that information till this morning.  Lately, it seems as if sometimes his short term memory is improving with enough repetition of the same data…and then only for short periods.  Truthfully, the memory thing is a [...]

Mike Day 17 Forward: This, That n The Next Thing

It’s Monday…our day off from Therapy, doctor’s appts, wound care center appts and the like.  Mike DID have to have blood drawn, and, since our priest is leaving for two weeks in Italy and has been wanting to give Mike the sacraments for a bit now, Mel took him to church for communion.  Right now [...]

Mike Day 15 Forward: Rainy Day Impressions

It’s early.  I’ve been up for an hour, since 5, awakened by the pups who were sure it was time to go out.  Somehow they hadn’t realized it was raining buckets…and they don’t like the rain.  Awake for nothing.  SIGH.  I lay here in the semi-dark hoping the light from the pc and the tapping [...]

Mike Day 10 of The Journey Forward

So here we are, ten days from Mike’s discharge.  It’s been a ride, but we are finally settling into some sort of normalcy…or something akin to a routine, which is very comforting to me these days.  Oddly enough, I used to view spontaneity as the greatest gift and found routines to be tedious.  I think [...]